My Story / David Fisch

Scenario no. 1

As the highway lights flicker on and begin to shine in a monotonous yellow light, I notice the change of shifts as the red summer sun crosses the horizon and paradoxically paints the skies in splashes of purple, green and glints of gold. I am in a hurry, but the traffic crawls thoughtlessly. Waze is no savior. My WhatsApp beeps. My sweet three-and-a-half-year-old already knows how to send a recorded message, “Daddy, when are you coming? I want you to shower me,”. Taking a shower alone she still does not dare try.

I have not finished my presentation for tomorrow, I think to myself. I will finish it in the late evening. Tomorrow morning I have to reschedule my staff meeting in the diary and send a summary email to the boss … The work assignments are not yet complete…. and I am already on my way to my second career, to other happy customers … Many duties await me at home. I promised to help my high school daughter with maths, and I decided to study Gemara with my son. What about the soldier son who did not call? I will try to call him later in the evening, hoping  he will be available …

The traffic jam is released and I press the accelerator with a sigh of relief. Perhaps I can also tell a story before they fall asleep, reassuring my paternal conscience. Meanwhile I continue to memorize the list of need-to-do tasks: go over the bills and pay before the fine arrives, the faucet in the tub has been leaking for two days, begging a new rubber washer, and maybe, there will not be too many dishes in the sink, I need to order a new cell phone battery on the internet as the old one runs low quickly. I stifle a yawn. I still have a little more distance ahead of me. Luckily there are nuts and seeds in the car compartment and the cracking of them stimulates my body and thought. I saw an interesting article in the newspaper supplement on Saturday, waiting by my bed.  A joke … as if tonight I could read a line and a half before dozing off to sleep.

What about the book I bought and promised myself to read? I received a recommendation from a friend about a good YouTube movie. When will I get to that? Moreover, if the day to day frustrating duties are lingering, then what about my painting?

I remember the advertisement I saw about an opening of a new painting class for adults. I have always had an attraction to this subject, painting for pleasure here and there, and receiving the occasional compliment. Maybe this is an opportunity to try painting “seriously”? To fulfill a hidden dream and an undiscovered potential? To create something original, that speaks to me and is expressed by me?

The voice of logic rebukes me: “Think logically – is there any point in even thinking about it? Do you have any spare time? You do not even have enough time for the daily demands, so you initiate additional ones that are not necessary? Are you mad? And if you had time, from where would the inner-power be drawn? And the muse? You are an engineer, not an artist! It’s too late to change that. Be realistic. You should be happy with what you have: a blessed family that you invest in and enjoy and a high-tech career that is both demanding, but interesting and satisfying and rewarding both professionally and monetarily. Make do with the achievements you have reached, and invest in them. Do not cultivate false delusions in achieving goals larger than you!

Well, really… suddenly a fine painter will emerge from you now? At your age? You have no choice but to acknowledge your limitations. Even if it is not all perfect, and you still feel that you’re missing something, you should be happy with this and that’s it. Give up in advance, to avoid discouragement and disappointment. It’s a waste of time, money, and sorrow. Is not worth the risk.

Logic settles his persuasive arguments, and with the possibility of luring him again, he adds to ward off all possible resistance:” And if you persist, wait until the pension. Then you can try … ”

Scenario no. 2:

I gently stir a mixture of different colors. Examining the hue painted by the brush and pulling on the canvas … pondering the result. Maybe add a pinch of cobalt blue to the sky, blue reflected in the water? And maybe a bit of orange echoing from the fallen leaves? It looks interesting. Light bursts out of the painting and I am sucked into it. I sensed in my imagination the rustle of dampness and the softness of the sand, and the rays of light flickering through the dense leaves.

I am ignorant to the darkness outside. Relaxing and stimulating music emanates from the headphones, separating me from the sleepy household and my wakefulness and creative world.

Missing something green, I notice. The leaves are pale and not fresh. Add blue? yellow? Or is it a brown color? Interesting to try. Maybe something is missing in texture? The shadow? I am striving to describe a green, wet nature in the middle of the day, radiating heavy heat and light freshness, to express and share the sensation burned in my memory since I last visited the same place.

There is still a gap between the painting and my expectations of it. But not terrible, I am ready to cover and repaint, trial and error. Until I am satisfied. That is how you learn.

The process of creation is a journey that combines tension and tranquility.

What is exciting about this arena is that I myself determine both the goals, the stages and the work plan. I decide on the pace of progress, and finally it is me who examines and judges the results. It is what inspires a sense of liberating independence, in which I am not required to please anyone other than myself.

Glancing absentmindedly at the clock, I am surprised and not used to the wee hours of the morning during the week, and amazed how my exhaustion dissipated as soon as I touched the brush! Unbelievable!!

It is not a time to think about the tasks of tomorrow. Tomorrow is Friday, and anyway I do not have to get up at six. Now I must concentrate about what is being done now. That is what I’m good at. Tomorrow we will take care of tomorrow.

Prologue:

 

I have been painting since I remember myself, but not in an organized fashion. A class here and there, textbooks, self-experience and occasional advice from painters I wanted to be close to.  At the age of 42, something happened, and I decided to join the weekly group held by the painter Ora Uziel.  As with any challenge and great task, perseverance is the key to success. In the class, I learned the secrets of mastering the colors of acrylic, discovered the courage to draw on a large canvas, and acquired the ability to look at nature and distill the inner feeling it evokes in me. At the age of 47, I felt ready to “come out of the closet” and present my works in public, in my first solo exhibition. The fear for this exhibition was great, but so was the satisfaction and enjoyment of the journey and its end. I have fulfilled a dream, and I continue to empower and realize it.

Each of us has a personal dream. Whether it is sculpture, photography, sports, writing, sewing, mountain climbing, learning, cooking and more. We usually refrain from even taking the first step because of various excuses: career, family, school, livelihood, fatigue….the list goes on.

Well, my message is clear: If you really want it, believe it is possible! Take the first step, and you will see that the second one is easier than you thought. If I was able to develop a career during these years, complete my master’s degree, and add two more children to our family AND found the time for my extra love of painting,  I believe you can.

Try today! Do not postpone to tomorrow!  And you will also see your success.